Today marks day number 20 of simply being on edge. Yep 20 days ago I had a panic attack and I haven’t really found my way back since….. I am not sure what normal is at this point in time and I don’t know how many more days I can take. I’ve had every part/symptom of anxiety you can think of from an ongoing constant headache, fatigue, exhaustion, painful jaw and teeth, racing heart, tight chest, tense shoulders, upset tummy, nausea, sleepiness, sleeplessness, bad dreams, reliving moments, restless legs – you name it, I’ve felt it in these past 20 days. I’m just about at the bottom of the hole and I’m not sure I can dig my way back out of this one. Nothing excites me at the moment and I feel like I have nothing to look forward too! I lack motivation for the everyday tasks and I don’t seem to have a passion for much at all, which those who know me really well know I’m quite a passionate person. I even think my family has lost faith in me. Normally they want to talk to me but they’ve all been shying away the past couple of days and only say what needs to be said! The whole world is on top of me and I’m drowning in stuff I need to do but simply don’t know where to start with. People say they are here for me, but I’m not sure they know the extent to which I need them. It’s currently 2.30am, I can’t sleep, my head is constantly aching and I need to get up soon and do life like I’m 100% on top of my game, wearing a smile and happy as can be…… I don’t know how to do this? Why did things have to change and upset my rhythm. I was coasting along smoothly and then bang I’m back at the beginning…. when will I be ok again?