So this week has been a ‘HELL’ of a week in Melissa’s world! For the past couple of weeks I’ve been battery operated with a pico dressing to try and heal my wound faster. It is working well, but man it can be a pain being connected to a device all day and night! If I have pockets in my clothes it helps but when I don’t – OMG 🤦🏼♀️. I mean I get up to walk and forget and next minute I’m dragging my device along behind me – oops 😬. Anyway for the most of this journey I’ve still had my sense of humour – which can be quite bad sometimes, but this week it’s disappeared!
I finally got clearance from my nurse on Monday afternoon to return back to work on Tuesday with the proviso I take it easy and look after myself…… the first couple of days weren’t too bad, but by Thursday I was not only failing to smile, but spending most of the day upset about everything and anything! What a dork!!!! My nurse reminded me again on Thursday to make sure I was looking after me! Me?! Aye?! I always put myself last and my well-being as I prioritise so many other things and people before me!!!!
Anyway I got up and dressed for work on Friday knowing for well that I shouldn’t be going the way I was feeling! BUT we were short staffed and I HATE letting people down! I went and don’t think I even managed to crack a smile – feeling so miserable and down! I ended up giving up at lunchtime and surrendered to home! I walked in snuggled on the chair in my lounge and woke up 3 hours later! I guess I needed to rest 🤷♀️. I’ve barely moved all night and just feel exhausted!
Besides the mental exhaustion, I have a sore leg and knee, a constant headache and still at times feel sick!!!! FFS is all I can say! When will this ever end? When will I be on top of this again?! Why did I try to go back to normality? Will I ever succeed again? A million questions circulating in my head!!!!!! Despite all of this I’ve pushed away people that try to help! I’ve been a horrible person to be around and I’ve let the mental stress take over my brain!
I know I need to regain my focus and get back on track! I’m sure I will once I feel better with my physical struggles. Then I want to work hard to build up my mental strength by being a lot more ME focused! Looking after myself and learning to love myself for who I am and what I can contribute to life! Any help, love and support welcomed 😊. I need to learn to love what I’ve got and turn my life into what I want! It’s going to take me time to achieve this but hopefully I’m strong enough to do this (with the help of all you closest to me). I need to find that something to make me smile and regain my sparkle ✨🌟
Anyway thanks for letting me rant at this ungodly hour! Much love to you all 😘❤️
Wow what a week it’s been….. Never in my life when I went to work last Tuesday did I ever think I would be in hospital that afternoon! I mean I knew I had an abscess that had got infected but I thought my appointment with my nurse would be sufficient. However how wrong was I? Suggested outcome go straight to ED with a referral for hopefully IV antibiotics and maybe a procedure. Are you serious was my response! But I’ve just started my new job and omg tonight I’m meant to be going to the stage show Priscilla with all the girls in the family🙄😩. So back to work I go, to gather my belongings and get a friend to come with me! Into ED, a shitload of meds, an ultrasound to check how bad it is and what would you know admitted with the possibility of surgery 😭😭😭. The last time I had to be admitted to hospital I was 18 months old to have my tonsils removed, so it’s fair to say I don’t remember huge amounts of that!
What would I do without my sister and best friend Nonie? She left work to be with me at ED, waited with me through this few hours and came up to the ward with me until I was settled for my first sleepless night 😊. Of course because of my MRSA I was in isolation and felt like one big walking disease – what a loser! Anyway long story short the next morning I was on the surgery list! What surgery?! Omg panic stations – all these thoughts surrounding me – no idea what to expect – high stress levels! Me exposing my body to all these ‘hot’ doctors – ummm 😩. Those that know me well, know how stressed this made me 🙄. Off I go Wednesday afternoon to the unknown! It was all a bit much for me and made me quite anxious! Thankfully for one familiar and friendly face as I entered the theatre to tell me everything will be ok 😊.
I wasn’t completely put out just sedated but remember nothing much at all other than being told to ‘breathe Melissa’ (something I have to be told a lot) and to ‘open my eyes’. Wow what an experience! Back to my room to rest and recover! Five days on from the surgery and I’m still not recovered! I have a big hole in my side, which is healing nicely and yesterday was a very down day for me! I felt bad all day, so did what I was told to do and rested all day (rest when you need to, get up when you can! No work just yet, with a high dose of antibiotics to subside the infection). I thought I had my lucky break, but even though I know this is a minor setback for me I have to remember this is a physical issue and try not to let my mental unstableness take over! Very hard indeed and like I said earlier yesterday was not a good day!
So thank you to all those who have put up with me this past week! I’m extremely grateful to those that visited me during my two days in hospital and for all the messages I received! I am grateful to work for the lovely flowers and treats and for all their support! I love my job and miss the kids and look forward to being cleared to go back! I’m grateful to those that have sent me messages to uplift me when I’ve been down – you know who you are and for those closest to me that have done stuff for me that I should be doing for all of you! This week I wish I just had someone to hold me and tell me everything will be ok, but 🤷♀️. Right now it’s 4.46am, I’ve been awake since my alarm went off for my medication at 3am, so right now I’m gonna try and sleep some more – so I don’t feel so nauseous! Hopefully today will be a better one and things are onwards and upwards from here 😊. Love you all and thank you for your love and support xxx ❤️😍😘