So this week has been a ‘HELL’ of a week in Melissa’s world! For the past couple of weeks I’ve been battery operated with a pico dressing to try and heal my wound faster. It is working well, but man it can be a pain being connected to a device all day and night! If I have pockets in my clothes it helps but when I don’t – OMG 🤦🏼♀️. I mean I get up to walk and forget and next minute I’m dragging my device along behind me – oops 😬. Anyway for the most of this journey I’ve still had my sense of humour – which can be quite bad sometimes, but this week it’s disappeared!
I finally got clearance from my nurse on Monday afternoon to return back to work on Tuesday with the proviso I take it easy and look after myself…… the first couple of days weren’t too bad, but by Thursday I was not only failing to smile, but spending most of the day upset about everything and anything! What a dork!!!! My nurse reminded me again on Thursday to make sure I was looking after me! Me?! Aye?! I always put myself last and my well-being as I prioritise so many other things and people before me!!!!
Anyway I got up and dressed for work on Friday knowing for well that I shouldn’t be going the way I was feeling! BUT we were short staffed and I HATE letting people down! I went and don’t think I even managed to crack a smile – feeling so miserable and down! I ended up giving up at lunchtime and surrendered to home! I walked in snuggled on the chair in my lounge and woke up 3 hours later! I guess I needed to rest 🤷♀️. I’ve barely moved all night and just feel exhausted!
Besides the mental exhaustion, I have a sore leg and knee, a constant headache and still at times feel sick!!!! FFS is all I can say! When will this ever end? When will I be on top of this again?! Why did I try to go back to normality? Will I ever succeed again? A million questions circulating in my head!!!!!! Despite all of this I’ve pushed away people that try to help! I’ve been a horrible person to be around and I’ve let the mental stress take over my brain!
I know I need to regain my focus and get back on track! I’m sure I will once I feel better with my physical struggles. Then I want to work hard to build up my mental strength by being a lot more ME focused! Looking after myself and learning to love myself for who I am and what I can contribute to life! Any help, love and support welcomed 😊. I need to learn to love what I’ve got and turn my life into what I want! It’s going to take me time to achieve this but hopefully I’m strong enough to do this (with the help of all you closest to me). I need to find that something to make me smile and regain my sparkle ✨🌟
Anyway thanks for letting me rant at this ungodly hour! Much love to you all 😘❤️