A dull day…..

Sometimes I just feel useless….. I get sad about the small stuff, even though I know I shouldn’t! My past does come back to haunt me a lot!!!! Today is one of those days! I hate everything that’s happened to me during this time in my life and I just don’t know where to go next! I lost some of my most favourite people and have felt so deep in the darkest hole that I’d never get back up! When life throws you curveballs, it certainly knows how to do it!!!!! What other shit is gonna come at me from around the corner? WHY WHY WHY can’t things just get back on track instead of continuing to derail? I don’t know what god still has in store for me and I hate that it’s out of my control and I can’t plan it!!!!! Some would say it’s karma, but I thought karma only happened to those who had done bad! I’ve never intentionally ever done anything bad! I have been pressured into making bad decisions (all of which I so wouldn’t do if I was in the right head space and felt supported at the time). I’ve felt so much hurt, but NEVER delivered it from me in my normal mindset…. All I feel in return is ‘discrimination’ – I’m the girl with a mental illness who made some mistakes, quit what I love to sort myself out and now a year later I’m ready to move forward but am unwanted in every possible way…… I can’t see or even feel the light at the end of it all!!!! I’m writing this to stop me from making poor decisions and to remind me I’m surrounded by loving people who support and care for me in so many ways! So where to next for Melissa/Mel Mel/Mel/Melisika? Can I come back from this?