Struggling on through….

Hey team – I hope everyone had a fabulous Christmas with your loved ones and that you celebrated the New Year in your own way. I found a way through these past couple of weeks, even though it has been hard at times and I have had a few little hiccups. 

Christmas day was lovely with my family and we enjoyed lots of love, laughter, food and games. Even Mum got involved with the old beer pong – it was great! I felt a sense of pride about the presents I had created (due to my limited budget) for my family, knowing they’d always hold a special memory for them. It was a little hard for everyone though hearing of the passing of my uncle and thinking of all those closest to him, but the family will forever treasure his memory at Christmas time. 

Christmas and New Year even though I love it so much, still seems to conger up all kinds of emotions for me. I guess the issues Danni had a couple of years ago sits with me at this time of year, along with a few other memories of those that have passed and some situations from the past! Due to these reasons and my emotions playing tricks on me, I have had a few ‘moments’! No panic attacks as such(it’s been a good few months now without any 🤞), but I’ve had to do my breathing, have had some tears and there has definitely been days when I haven’t wanted to or been able to do a lot!!!! Also money always sits at the back of my mind!!! 

I’m currently looking at getting back into work and honestly sooner rather than later would be great! Obviously it wasn’t me that won the $22 million or I’d be at one of my favourite places on earth (Disneyland) right about now 😜. For those that don’t know I made the hard decision to leave my job in February last year and no this wasn’t easy, but at the end of the day I wasn’t capable of completing my work in a satisfactory way and if I just took leave I would have still been 100% focused on work (as I always am) and not myself, which is what I needed to do! 

Due to this I of course had no money and didn’t really want to go on a benefit 🙄. However I had to succumb to this and sign up at WINZ, but this money is nothing compared to what I was earning! Pretty much a days pay 🙄. All these questions: how am I going to live? What am I going to do? Will I have to sell my house? I mean I had some savings but it’s not going to last forever!!!!! 

I had to go and try sort out something – this stress and pressure and worry did not help my situation one little bit! I’ve never relied on anyone else to support me ever and have always been able to live a pretty great life, adventuring and making last minute decisions to go and do things when I want, taking whoever I want, but then OMG 😲. Luckily I could put my mortgage temporarily on hold for a few months or that stress would have killed me! It breaks my heart to ask for help and to have to think twice before I do something! Honestly this is the one time that being single and not having the financial support of a partner at a time of need has bothered me. Seriously though I have learnt big time that money shouldn’t dictate your life or your state of mind, but the $22 million would have been nice 😜. 

I realise that not worrying about the negatives and focusing on the positives is when things head in the right direction for me. That is how I need to keep moving forward – be grateful everyday and know everything will find a way to work out right! I could never do this journey without my family/loved ones and they all know how grateful I am to them. Even though there are a few gaps in my life at the moment, I know everything will be a new normal for me again! In the meantime let’s keep believing in the good things and cross everything for me to be a working girl again soon! 

Enjoy 2019 everyone and make it your year – I know I’m going try 😊.  Please note I’ve been officially a whole year now alcohol free and don’t miss it one bit lol….. 

2 Replies to “Struggling on through….”

  1. You’ve done amazingly well to achieve what you have. People don’t realise it’s the demons in our minds that create the worst havoc. So right about money not dictating feelings xx

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